


Floral Disaster

by Emyn Nant teu Celas-Elim (cancennau)



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Bickering, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gardens & Gardening, M/M, One Shot, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 11:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12209937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cancennau/pseuds/Emyn%20Nant%20teu%20Celas-Elim
Summary: Kelas attempts to garden. The plants attempt to escape.





	Floral Disaster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cohobbitation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cohobbitation/gifts).



“If you place the shears just so…”

“Like this?”

“A little lower, and at an angle- that’s it… and cut- oh.”

“Oh?”

“That was not supposed to happen.”

The dark Cardassian sun was only a few hours away from dipping below the horizon, and cast gold-orange streaks across the land, across the high-rise buildings of  _ Kardasi’or _ , and into the sheltered garden of the recently retired Castellan Elim Garak, where multitudes of flowers twined and entwined in flowerbeds and up the wall and the grass glimmered beneath the tawny sky. Elim was in the garden that evening, dressed in old, slightly muddy clothes and gardening gloves, tending to a rather overgrown rose bush that seemed to be threatening to take over the nearby fence. Beside him was his closest friend and his spouse Kelas Parmak, who was inspecting a heavily damaged rose, a pair of shears in their gloved hands.

“What was supposed to happen?” Kelas asked, poking the collapsed flower. “Wasn’t it supposed to fall off?”

“Yes.” Elim peered a little closer at the flower. “It was supposed to fall off and not damage the stem. I don’t know what you did-”

“I did nothing.” Kelas dropped the shears and began peeling off their gardening gloves. “It’s not my fault that your plants won’t co-operate.”

“Of course, it’s clearly a ploy. The roses remember the last time Kelas the Destroyer tried to cut off their dead.”

“Kelas the  _ Destroyer _ -” Kelas nearly choked on their laughter. “I am  _ not  _ that bad.”

“The roses have only just recovered from your last attempt. I bet all those seedlings I planted last week all sat around the adult plant-”

“Seedlings can’t  _ move _ .”

“-and I bet the adult plant bowed over and said ‘Children-’”

“They can’t  _ speak _ either.”

“-’Children, let me tell you of the horror that was the battle against Kelas the Destroyer and their overenthusiastic shearing.’ Clearly, the flowers failing to drop properly is an attempt to prevent future generations from suffering at your hands.”

Kelas was trying and failing to hide their grin. “Of course,” they said, dramatically flinging a gardening glove at the rose bush. “How could I not see? I admit defeat.”

“You’re letting the roses win?”

“I shan’t prolong their suffering at my hands any longer.” Kelas got up with a groan, and brushed off their knees. “Where is the watering can?”

“Ah, I see now,” Elim grinned as Kelas wandered off towards the chest of gardening things. “Your new plan of attack. Instead of killing the adult plants, you will attempt to drown out their seedlings.”

“I’m not  _ that  _ awful.”

“There’s no need to pretend to be oblivious - we all know your secret plan now.”

“How could I have been so obvious?” Having found the can, Kelas turned to coax the water spigot into giving some amount of water. “Now the spigot won’t even give me water to carry it out.”

“Perhaps it’s stalling, to give the seedlings time.”

“Time? Time for what?”

“To build an ark, of course. Using the dead heads of their rose comrades, they build an ark, enter it two by two-”

“And float away on the flood water?”

“Exactly!”

“Well, they best start moving quickly.” The spigot finally spluttered to life, and Kelas laughed. “Looks like the spigot caved.”

“I can hear them scurrying into their arks now,” Elim picked up an abandoned rose head and inspected it. “Where they’ll live for the next few days until the floods die down.”

“Or until the next disaster comes.”

“ _ Are  _ you planning another disaster, Kelas?”

“The third disaster,” Kelas hefted the watering can onto their hip to take the weight off their arms. “Will be the tragic incapacitation of their normal gardener in a flood, as I pour the contents of this watering can down your  _ shirt _ . For the crime of being  _ mean _ .”

Elim laughed, shaking with mirth even as Kelas advanced on him. “Far be it for me to dissuade you from righteous punishment,” he said, grinning. “But there are far better ways to  _ flood  _ me, my dear.”

Elim had never seen emotion flick across someone’s face so fast - confusion, then understanding, then heat, chagrin, desire, amusement, and affectionate irritation. Kelas was very valiantly trying not to laugh, but Gerak could see the twinkle of barely concealed humour in their eyes, despite the attempt at an unimpressed expression.

“I was going to give you an opportunity to plead for mercy.” Kelas said, after a few moments. “But I don’t think I shall now - come here-”

Elim laughed harder, but also got up from the ground because he wasn’t entirely certain Kelas  _ wouldn’t  _ pour a full can’s worth of water on him. Kelas' eyes flashed with restrained glee, and they too joined in with laughing as Elim made his first attempt at disarming him. They playfought, hissed, spat, laughed, kissed across the garden, each trying to get the upper hand, smiling and simply enjoying each other’s company. Finally Kelas -  devoid of the watering can, that had been lost very early on - managed to pull off a tricksy little move, and pinned Elim against the wall of their house, pressing a deep, unresisted kiss to Elim’s lips in victorious jubilation.

“ _ Hah _ ,” Kelas said, as they broke apart. “I  _ win _ .”

“I surrender to your greater strength.” Elim laughed. “You may flood me in whatever way you wish.”

“ _ Hush _ , you.” Kelas hit him, and Elim laughed even harder. “I can’t believe you said that-”

“Are your privately educated ears too innocent for that kind of talk?”

“Hush.” Kelas pressed a kiss to his lips to shut him up.

“I know you  _ desire  _ it, maybe even here in the open-”

“ _ Shhh. _ ” Another kiss.

“It’s true.” To preemptively avoid another attempt to shut him up, Elim pulled Kelas closer so they were embracing fully. “ _ I’ve  _ thought about it out here in the open. I know you have too.”

“Have  _ not _ .” Kelas' voice was muffled by Elim’s neck ridge, but he could hear the petulance in their voice. 

“Hmm, I think you have.” Elim surveyed the garden over his paramour’s shoulder. “I could have you in one of the chairs out here. The  _ mekla  _ needs trimming, I could tie your feet up with it, have them over my shoulder as we-”

“-have our photographs taken by the paparazzi?” Kelas' voice was wry, and Elim could feel a smile. “I have no desire for my posterior to be the next news piece on the ‘casts.”

“It’s a very nice posterior though.” Elim murmured as he reached down to pat the offending body part. “I wish it could be appreciated more.”

“ _ Elim _ .”

“What? It’s true.”

“My posterior gets enough appreciation from you.” Kelas leaned out of the embrace to look Elim in the eye, expression full of desire and affection. “I have no objection to you appreciating it -  _ inside. _ ”

“Where is your sense of adventure, Kelas?” Elim jokingly lamented as Kelas stopped pinning him to the wall. “I always imagined you to have a little bit of an exhibitionist streak.”

“If you’re not careful, I won’t be exhibiting  _ anything  _ for you anytime soon.” Kelas wandered over to the back door, before pausing, and turning back to Elim with a wicked grin. “Are you coming inside?”

“Should we not finish gardening first?” Kelas cast an eye over the slightly overgrown garden, at the dropped rose heads and the abandoned watering can, and laughed.

“The seedlings can have a little more time to build their arks before I bring the flood.” Kelas smiled. “I, however, have a very pressing appointment with you, our bed, and some rope that would look very pretty round my ankles…”

Whether the seedlings appreciated the leniency of Kelas the Destroyer, Elim didn’t know, but he happily abandoned his gardening gear and joined Kelas indoors, where he very quickly forgot about seedlings and arks and realised that Kelas could destroy him in an entirely more pleasurable fashion.


End file.
